Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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