just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize