only you would photoshop your dick
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
