Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
