I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
