***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
