Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
