i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
