He kissed a someone with a penis
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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