ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
