It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
