Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Sacagawea was the original milf.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Randomize
