Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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