All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
