Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
