On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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