I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
