Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
last night I used snow as a chaser
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