are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
