Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize