You really coming over, don't trick.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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