Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
