why didn't you poke me back
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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