im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
