So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize