I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
