he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
