my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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