We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
