he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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