i was born a porn star she said
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
