Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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