and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
