it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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