real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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