And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
