The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
