Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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