you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
