Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize