At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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