I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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