put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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