My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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