no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
