jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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