no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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