Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
