You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
