Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
