This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Randomize
