I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
