You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
