you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize