Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
