trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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