I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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