I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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