Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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