forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
