Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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