apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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