Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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