I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
