Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Church boner. Awkwardddd
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
