He is an equal opportunity slut.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
