you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
