It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
