I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
